i had a dream about them, those loves of my life who no longer walk this world with me. i dreamt that they were in my kitchen. the floorplan is large and openly rambling. so may doors. so many disjointed rooms. the hallways - there is no real connection between the rooms of my home. it feels like a child built it as one would a home in minecraft. or maybe it was designed by a man. something had happened and i was floating in that space that was neither here nor there and i could hear their voices, laughter and good cheer all around. i found them in the kitchen, full of smiles, stories, hugs and warm greetings. they missed me. it was so good to see me. but there was no mistaking that happiness that they had finally found each other again and in doing so, had found that missing part of themselves. after visiting for a time, they got up to leave, coming around to give me long hugs, laugh into my hair. i called after my Dad as i watched them walk through the kitchen door, going back to that place. i followed them through the door, expecting to find them on the other side and yet, i was back in my kitchen. i could hear their voices, their laughter, their love for one another through the thin walls of my kitchen. i followed once again through another door and found myself back in my kitchen again. i opened each door, trying to find them when i felt his arms around me, telling me that i could not follow them. that this was as far as they could go - this kitchen of mine. and that it was not my time to follow. when he let me go, he stepped through those doors again without glancing back as i watched from my side. soon the voices grew distant until i woke to the grayness of dawn lightening my room.
that was the morning i finally stopped wanting to follow.
